I used to think of love much the same way as Bryan Adams sang about it, “Everything I do, I do it for you.”
After a while, I realised that wasn’t very healthy, especially where reciprocity was lacking.
Taking time to actively delve into how my life experiences so far have shaped me, and how I show up now and what I value (my ‘homework’ as I call it), it’s opened my eyes to a lot of misconstrued and outdated concepts.
I’ve come to see that it’s more about doing things because I’m inspired by that person, which is the key to maintaining my personal balance and creating a healthy synergy. Of course, the rest of Bryan Adams’ lyrics still apply…
Yet, the old stories of heroes and villains and damsels in distress are long gone. And memories of past ‘missed takes‘ can easily be healed now, the future given fresh new meaning and direction.
Fighting implies pain, hardship, struggle, possibly someone’s disapproval, and other uncomfortable things. It puts an unnecessary strain on the overall accomplishment of the goal at heart, and generally pushes it farther away because the focus is on the fight, not the love itself.
There’s no need to explain to others, no need to justify. It’s not what they think, it’s what you know. Allow yourself to be within a whole new world.
So, no, it’s not about saving anyone or fighting for love anymore. You can put the sword & shield aside now, you won’t be needing them (and the horse will live longer too).
Instead, you can feel that initial spark gain impetus and become a warm, comforting fire. That little nervous shake you keep getting? It’s just the fire heating up and shaking off old fears and doubts.
The real path to love is, purely, and simply, love itself. And of course, it starts within each one of us – taking initiative to take care of ourselves, then expanding our self love to embrace and include another amazing human being.
It’s made up of qualities like attention, care, asking, learning, remembering, sharing, patience, romance, consideration, active support, humour, respect, the little things that make a big difference, keeping each other’s best interests in sight, taking time out of a busy schedule even if it’s just a few minutes to check in with one another, understanding each other’s need for space to do what you need to do, enjoying the moments together and trusting the spaces in between…
Whatever works for both of you, as long as you’re both communicating frequently and exploring the mutual curiosity. Because at the same time as we’re discovering new things about one another, we’re also discovering more about ourselves. And that’s a beautiful thing, isn’t it?
If you encounter adversity, criticism or skepticism from others, do you fall prey to it and look the other way, or do you quietly build your muscle of belief and keep advancing, boldly and with confidence, in the direction your heart is showing you?
If you encounter resistance in yourself, what is it that you’ve really been holding yourself back from, that you can let go of now and give yourself the opportunity to freely love and be loved?
Where there is real love, there is no judgement and no rejection, which makes cutting out the guess-work and expressing yourself so much easier.
“Does she tell you what she wants,
Can you give her what she needs?”*
Love is expansion, freedom. Someone who believes in you more than you might, and encourages you to live your dreams in ways you wouldn’t expect and without you asking. A natural desire for you to be, do and have what you envision, even if you haven’t figured it all out yet. Isn’t that a relief?
What if you allowed yourself to pleasantly surprise and be surprised more and more, every day?
And of course, you can dance around the fire any time you please.
So for me, it’s about fostering love. It feels so much better. And there’s magic in that.
Here’s to You, and thank you for the inspiration.