Nobody Knows

I get it. You’re struggling with something, and perhaps nobody knows about it. You might be afraid to share out of external judgement, ridicule, rejection, feeling at a loss for words, you name it… but how much of this a projection of how you’ve been talking to yourself?

{Oh ya, more pointed questions up ahead…}

We all go through stuff, in larger or smaller bites. In a buffet line or in one formal sitting.

And it’s okay to sit with things for a while… yet, how long do you really want to sit with the indigestion before it completely paralizes you?

Over the weeks, months or years, this pain has become a pet, following you like a faithful servant-turned-master. A trusted friend of sorts – one that coddles you at night and tells you stories before you fall asleep. The same numbing stories you wake up to in the morning, which fog your mind and perpetuate the feeling of being lost, low or empty. Because the last thoughts you fall asleep to are usually the first thoughts you wake up to.

{Hint: You know you want to change the stories, and you know you can…}

Now, I’ve been reprimanded at times for my outlook. For not showing enough sympathy with some people, during certain moments. For not ‘understanding their pain’… Thank you for reminding me how to listen to you, and you, and you over there too, and myself… because we all need to be ‘heard’ in different ways.

Howwweverrr…

Nobody knows all the details of how I got here, or the things I continue to sift through for greater clarity and integration of self. And it’s okay if nobody else ever gets it, maybe they don’t need to. It’s essentially for me to know, and share with those who want to see what I have to say. And sometimes, there’s just no describing it. What really matters is where we are now and what we do with this moment, right?

So forgive me if I’ve forgotten, sometimes, how you feel you need to experience life. Be kind to me also as you remind me what’s important to you, so I can respect both our needs, and that sacred secret place you go to heal or do what you need to take care of you.

Pain, once purged, is actually very easily forgotten. The memory of the victory remains, and so does our capacity to tolerate more pain with less effort, should some arise again at a different time.

For me, it’s created a renewed, refreshed perspective based on Belief, Nurturing, Support, Allowance, Faith, Ease, Trust, and Inspiration. Sometimes it comes in a seemingly tough message, other times, in a smile or a bouquet.

{I might even wear one of these for you…}

Form of delivery aside, it still comes from a place of love, with the best intentions and positive feelings to support your emotional freedom and happiness, whatever your choices.

Pain (and for that matter, its cousins Anger, Sadness, Fear, Hurt, Guilt) is really just a build up of the negativity that’s begging to be let out. And once you’re free of it, so are the rest of us, since we’re all connected – those who care (even if at times our approach doesn’t resonate with how you feel you should be receiving it), and even those who don’t know you, because we’re all energy, and we sense one another consciously or subconsciously.

For you who are reading this now, chances are it’s time for you to allow yourself to give up at least one thing that’s been keeping you down the hardest…

It’s time to give up the pain, my friends.

You were not born to be unhappy, or stay constrained within limitations, were you?

And, the pain was really never yours to keep anyway, was it?

Let it go, for the greater good of You.

Let it go, with the confidence that even as the heavy clouds pass, you can still see the sunshine in and around you.

Let it go, for the greater good of All.

We’re all rooting for you. And we know what it takes to get through these moments, and we know how liberating it is once you’ve allowed them to pass through you and feel a thousand years lighter.

{Every breath, every hour has come to this…}*

Fall asleep to the dreams you heart desires, and rise to greet them in the morning with renewed Faith in yourself…

{Hey, did I just see you smile? Yeah buddy…}

* A Thousand Years lyrics © EMI Music Publishing – David Hodges, Christina Perri

To Want And To Have {The Burning Question}

A friend of mine switched me onto @DanielleLaPorte a few months ago. Just in time for a ‘re-birth’ of my deeply embedded dreams and aspirations, and for her new book The Fire Starter Sessions to come out. This post is motivated by The Burning Question Series on her site, and today’s question is:

“What Do You Want… that You Already Have?”

So, let’s see what we’ve already got… shall we?

The Back Story
I’ve been on a major trailblazing path. Those of you who know me have been a part of it, those who read me for the first time – welcome to my visions of the world. Please bring cookies. Thank you.

This leg of my journey started with a major wake up call after a life-changing event a few years ago that turned my world as I knew it inside out. I was in a place that was full of human warmth, cozy, relatively easy, full of new adventures, nature at its deepest green, with a dedicated support network that lovingly wanted to do what they could to help me stick around… And suddenly, I was out. Bam. I became the player who’d been forced to sit out the next few seasons. And all because I didn’t ‘fit in’ to a particular tick box.

“GUTTED” just about sums it up.

Baseball bat to the solar plexus. Took me down hard and fast. My sense of uniqueness winded.

I ended up in a city and country I’d never consciously perceived living in, and I did it consciously because this move kept me closer to where I want to be rather than going back to where I’d originally come from. Such has been my passion that I was willing to look this strange creature in the eyes and learn what I needed to from it, because somehow I’ve always managed to face those fears and give them my best defiant, “F*** you, I’ve got this one,” smile. Yes, I will be eternally grateful for the awareness and blessings it has provided me so far. It has offered the idyllic scenario for me to kick start my healing drive, come hell or high waters – who knew? I allowed myself to shift my thinking, give myself options, look at life through a brand new kaleidoscope of possibilities, reinvent myself, realize that it all comes down to my own true merits, and FEEL again.

And I came full circle within myself. Halle-frickin’-lujah. Progress.

I realised, and now respect, that I was not born to fit into a box. My whole life has been a series of out-of-the-box experiences, allowing me to create a whole new paradigm for myself and for others willing to partake in its wonders.

So…

What I Want…
I want to go home. Where I feel I belong, where my soul breathes clean fresh air and where love and life in all their permutations dance and hide and play and keep me guessing, keep me motivated to be a better person, believe in my dreams, build them with true passion and courage, be the magic, enjoy the silence, be okay with being vulnerable at times, and appreciate what I have at any given moment. Because the real borders are those in our minds, and once those are gone, everything else becomes a minor technicality, right?

In this time, life has thrown me for a few loops, and I’ve built my resilience through each one. The real cardio workouts come from those wretched emotional nights that never seem to end until you’re completely exhausted, and you wake up the next morning to the dreamy scent of jasmine sneaking through the window. Brand new day with a fresh new start or what? Hell yeaaah…

…That I Already Have
I am home. Home is wherever I choose it to be, at all times, because my heart is my home. And yours is too. And in its constant expansion, it encompasses more and more territory, until there is a seamless flow from place to place. I have the ease and flexibility to step in and out of all the places in which I feel at home, give what I can AND receive more every time. Unbound by authoritarian, obsolete rules. Giving freely, receiving openly. Trusting that love guides and wins, against all odds.

And my home is abundantly furnished with Belief, Passion, Bold Coffee, Patience, Adventure, Trust, Wit, Courage, Owls, Confidence, Pure Awe, Honesty, Chuckles, Wealth, Banana Bread and Love. Always and above all, with Love. And I know I can set the picket fence wherever I choose now, because it’s all up to me (I might add a condo to the mix for the hell of it). And it’s already happening with every new thought and inspiration I put forth.

Because… I Figured It Out.

Thank you Universe. Thank you Reflection in the Mirror. Thank you Beautiful People.

There. That’s my answer, and I’m stickin’ to it.

Now, what do you want… that you already have?