We love it when we assume correctly or someone assumes something about us correctly. However, some assumptions can sink a relationship faster than any cruise ship that ever met an iceberg on a bad day.
Assumptions seek to fill in gaps of information, usually by pulling from past experiences, which can create incorrect conclusions about what’s really going. It’s like creating things that don’t exist and then holding onto them as though you empirically know what someone’s truth is above them knowing it themselves. Instead of asking for or accepting someone’s truth – their facts, their feelings
Throw in fears, insecurity or stuff from the past and you have a distorted vision of reality. Some people can invent stories about you that are not true, or have nothing to do with you (and usually everything to do with them), yet they project them onto you. Then you find yourself climbing a tall wall to share your truth, that is discarded because their story has more weight for them than your truth, honesty and innocence.
It can be tough and heartbreaking when you partner believes negative assumptions more than your truth.
These assumptions hurt both of you; the person who believes a false self-created story and the pain it causes them, and the other person for not being seen or trusted for who they really are and the pain it causes them. And so the relation-ship sinks…
If you have information gaps, your partner may just not feel comfortable sharing certain things when you want them to, or has stopped feeling comfortable with you for other reasons. Start THERE. Ask simple, clean questions without making assumptions. Create a safe space to talk with loving kindness (not defense/attack, nobody likes to feel inquisitioned). Exercise trust and patience with yourself and with your partner. Remember the times you asked your partner to have patience with you? Well, they deserve the same from you, don’t you think?
Behind those assumptions, what personal experiences could you heal for yourself?
Did you ever realise any of your assumptions were incorrect?
For the love of Love, create your base from solid ground, not from quicksand.