It was a Sunday afternoon. Sitting across the table from me at the coffee shop was a highly successful business man who was managing several high end companies, traveling the world for client meetings and conferences. Life was good on all fronts – he had the luxury car, a comfortable house, he was on a powerful fitness path, and the money was rolling in quite nicely. All sounds pretty good, right?
He had called me that morning sounding distraught over a personal matter, so I agreed to meet with him promptly.
His heart was hurting. He was feeling torn between continuing a friendship with a woman he’d dated several years before who had come back into his life, and letting her go.
He simply wanted to be friends, having realized they were not the ideal match as a couple. He could even pinpoint how their first attempt at a relationship had taken its toll on his ability to take care of himself and keep “his house” in order; such was the level of attention it seemed to require, and which he allowed himself to focus on over his own well being. Every time he felt a sense of freedom from her though, she came at him with some reproach. She was trying every which way to have more than friendship with him, and much as he cared about her, he wanted no such thing. When you try too hard, you actually push against the thing you want to receive.
I listened to him as he candidly shared their last discussion. She felt he needed to go to therapy, so he could fix himself (meaning, so he would be what she wanted him to be for her). He wanted to be with a woman who would love him unconditionally, and let him “be” himself.
I told him, “You’re not broken.”
Have you ever felt that way?
He reached over the table and took my hand gently, but firmly, “Thank you. Thank you…”
It’s not often I see a grown man cry, let alone do so in a public place.
My words – innocent and fast as they rolled out of me – had touched him deeply. I held his hand, and we quietly moved through that tender moment together.
After we went deeper into conversation on what he wanted, he was able to realize that she was simply reflecting back to him his own belief that he could not find everlasting love with a woman who can love and appreciate him wholly and completely for who he is, not try to make him into someone else for her sake. He had twisted himself out of shape looking for that, and after recognizing how it had impacted his life in ways that didn’t serve him, was now in a place to untangle himself from the reflection this person was mirroring back to him. His main task was to stay aligned with that vision he held for himself.
I believe that none of us is broken. What may appear broken is our perception of ourselves, and it’s up to us to change our perception; sometimes, with the loving encouragement of others who see us as we truly are – as powerful creators, perfectly evolving in our excellence (even if we’re not feeling it). This is what helps us grow into the person we feel within, the one that’s knocking at the door of our heart saying, “Hello, it’s Me…”
Just because you’re not getting what you want from somebody does not mean there is something wrong with them or that they’re broken. Some people want others to change for them, so they don’t have to. That’s not how it works.
You can’t make anyone change for you, but you CAN change yourself, and that’s an inside job. But…
Consciously. Deliberately. Every day.
Talented as the greatest musicians, artists, athletes and CEO’s of the world are – they all invest time and energy to hone their personal Genius, no matter how they apply it. You could be a CEO looking for your life partner to enjoy your success with, or you might have that base covered and seeking further fulfillment to your life’s purpose through the work you do…
Whatever it is, are you deliberately taking care of your Personal Genius, or are you holding yourself back under the false idea of feeling broken (whilst letting others sway your focus)?
You’re not broken. Nobody is. We’re all perfectly evolving on our journey of Personal Excellence. Your duty is to honour that within yourself, and engage with people who see you with the right eyes.
PS: do you think she was loving herself unconditionally or holding onto a sense of brokenness within?
ANSWER: She’s not broken either…